Boys, because they've been on the brain lately.

I'm thinking about guys again. This subject is always coming up for me, ha ha. Done with one and on to the next. What is that? It's not like I need one, really..? But I must really want one, because I keep getting hurt and then getting crushes on other guys. Huh.

Like just now, I have a new crush. Returned missionary, nice, funny, cute, acknowledges that I exsist, the normal list. But this is coming on barely weeks after the last guy. And that guy dropped me hard. Not even dropped, he threw me down hard. And I was heartbroken! I know this! I felt it! I cried! And I withdrew..! Sort of.

See, I'm just so confused with myself.

I must not be getting that involved with them. I mean, really. Because I'm a logical person, yeah, and I'd stop going after guys so much if I felt that it was bad for me. But I don't. And it seems like a few people are worried about that. They don't want to see me get hurt again, but was I really that hurt in the first place?

Maybe it all comes down to expectations. Now, with the last guy, I didn't expect him to be a total jerk. But I didn't expect him to like or love me either. That must've changed everything quite a bit. Because while it hurt, (how can rejection not hurt?) I knew I never truly expected it to be anything in the first place.

After that happened, I swore off guys for the rest of the year. I said, three failed relationships, that's enough for me for a while. But now I'm practically going off my word. Not entirely at least, I'm not chasing after anyone. But I'm not stopping my raging hormones. Or necessarily being repulsed by others' either. (Okay, some others.. MOST others.. but a few guys have been able to get away with touching me and I didn't get mad. L O L z.) At least I know for SURE that I am going to keep my emotions in check. No more attachments until I have a secure DTR under my belt.. in writing. Ha ha.

Pfoo.

But who knows. Love matters are stupid and complicated, and I am resolving to just have my little crush, keep it under the ropes if I can, and enjoy this branch where there is MUCH too much male attention. Lol. This cannot possibly be healthy.

Some arts.